Confidence is silent.
Insecurities are LOUD.
It should come as no surprise that confidence is a big deal when it comes to how men interact in day to day life. Especially in the dating world. Here's the truth though... and this goes for men and women... confidence, not arrogance, is sexy!! Someone who lacks confidence - even if he looks like he walked straight out of GQ - is going to be considerably less attractive than someone who may not have the flawless face but does has positive self-esteem. I promise, when you start believing in yourself and having a sense of value, you will walk a little taller and smile a little brighter. All too often, we will over compensate on the outside, for the insecurities that plague us on the inside. I'm going to speak on my own experience here so don't make this about "man-hating". I have found that men become loud and obnoxious to bring attention to other aspects of their personality so that maybe you won't notice the glaring red flag screaming "I'm insecure and jealous and controlling and you should run". This basically will cause a revolving door pattern representing the "alpha male" persona. As a result, men end up overestimating their abilities and will in turn, come across as a typical egocentric DB. Insecurity, happens to the best of us sometimes, but it is so ugly. It makes you do so many things that you wouldn't otherwise do. Just to name a few; drug abuse, alcohol abuse, jealousy, control, verbal abusive and it can turn into physical abuse very quickly if you're not careful. If there is one thing I could drive into the male brain it would be to find genuine security and confidence in yourself. Figure out who you really are, from the inside out. Read books, do something productive, grow your mind, not your body (with steroids), it will work SO much better for you whether in your professional life or your personal life.
Developing your confidence means that you actually have to invest in yourself. And rest assured, it won't happen overnight. It's a process and requires you to believe and know that you're not perfect and that you will mess up! I think the hardest part is actually embracing failures. It's hard to fail as it is, but to actually admit said failure is a whole different ballgame. Admitting our failure creates almost a dominance over us. It creates this constant question of "why did I do that? What if I had done this... or that". We judge ourselves so harshly, tagging on all the failures we can possibly think of, and then we use that as a way to self-sabotage.
It's important to watch for the small victories and realize that one mistake, one screw up, or even a few screw ups, don't remove the 10 previous great things you've done. We all get caught up in trying to prove ourselves, which in turn creates a whole new set of problems. When you know who you are on the inside, you don't have to prove anything... it will be evident in everything you do. This goes for men and women, don't hold yourself to such a high standard that it's unattainable. I've found myself doing that and usually that's when I catch myself being overwhelmed and frustrated. Make sure that the expectations you've set for yourself and others are in line with what can be accomplished. A little bit of improvement every day is completely acceptable! Don't doubt yourself. Doubt and negativity work exactly like positive thinking. It creates a thought process that says "you can't" when indeed you can! Don't be fake about it though. Adopt the characteristics of someone who you know is confident. Remember to be in control of your thoughts and stand in who God created you to be. This doesn't mean to create a false sense of boldness. You're not changing who you are. You are simply tapping into your heart to realize that you have what it takes to be great!!! Chin up, accept who you are and know that you were created for shine!
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