"Life has a way of testing a persons will, either by having nothing happen at all
or by having everything happen at once." - Paulo Coelho
If there is one thing you can count on in this life, as scary as it is, it's inconsistency. The journey of life is filled with unwavering ups and downs and failures and triumphs. In a world as bi-polar as Jekyll and Hyde, the one constant thing you can be reliant on, is your own inner strength. Those who cultivate a spirit of gratitude and strength can weather any storm and can go far beyond the set expectations when things are calm. Looking back over the course of 10-12 years, I can recall so many people that I used to call friends doubting me, gossiping about me, basically shunning me and in the end abandoning me. The only time in my life when I truly needed my friends, they left because the matter in which I was dealing, wasn't suitable for their reputation. I can remember feeling so empty inside. Granted, it was a self-inflicted emptiness due to the fact that I had found myself in such a heavy addiction, but still... whatever happened to true friends. The kind who stood by your side no matter what!? It was in those times of unrelenting solitude when I built something on the inside of me that I feel is indestructible. Whether it was forced or not, the isolation allowed me the time I needed to search within myself and later, to make the necessary changes which I feel created a source of strength that can't disappear.
The majority of my personal success hasn't come from the voices of my peers, if anything, those voices have caused me a great deal of insecurity. That's why I learned to have a healthy circle of partners and friends or have none at all, even though that probably sounds harsh. I'd rather walk alone than walk with a crowd that keeps me on the wrong road. We must remember that every ounce of energy, when directed towards anything other than your inner most being, is wasted and drains you. I found a few things in my journey that I feel helped propel me into who I am today. As weird as it sounds, I found that creating a routine is helpful, so that you can do what's necessary without even thinking about it, focusing your excess energy on more important things. Once I got to a place in my life where I could actually start seeing that I was the one that was in control of my life, I began to make better decisions in every aspect of it.
One of the best and probably the most crucial happenings in my journey of finding inner strength, was when I realized I needed to define my own space. Not only to create a sense of ownership but also to be able to relax! Even if it's just a small area that you can call your own, produce it anyway. Keep it neat and free from clutter and I promise it will reduce the amount of anxiety you have... it did me, anyway. Last but certainly not least...you have to be able to look in the mirror and be proud of what you see. If you eat poorly and you know that it would probably make you feel better to cut out the soda or in my case, the sugar... do it!! Try your hand in the gym or take a walk around your neighborhood. Any kind of exercise is better than nothing. And trust me, once you start seeing the outward appearance to change with your inner strength, you will feel like a total new person. So when I say you can't fake it... it's true. Strength is born in hardship and watered in pain... it is grown from the inside out. And once you have it, it's there forever. You might lose sight of it for a short time, but it will always be embedded in who you are! Be strong!
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