Strong enough to stand alone, yet humble enough to know that
everybody needs somebody sometimes.
Before every great success comes failure. That's just the way it works. Usually though, when we fail, we wallow in self-pity and stay down on ourselves for a while until we find a way to crawl out of the dark hole we've found ourselves in. Sometimes our pity-party is short lived, other times it can last so long you forget when it even started! This is where I have found myself lately... in the valley of life. Where I feel like if I don't start seeing the light soon, I really might just lose it!! Most of my life, I've been the leader of the pack, the one who lifts other people up. I'm the one who is constantly ensuring my co-workers, friends and family that "they can do anything, if they set their mind to it". Ohhhh, but lately... lately, it's taken every bit of courage I have, just to keep my head up and keep moving forward. It's such a hard place for me to be in! Excruciating to be honest. Depending on people, for anything, is like screaming in my ear "you're weak and you can't do it on your own". It physically pains me! How is it that the person who usually moseys through the day laughing and smiling and lending a hand to other people, can't even lift her head without the help of another!?
As hard as it is for me to accept...it's part of the process to this beautiful, chaotic, crazy life. It's basically the course in which we are given two options -- shut the world out and become guarded, angry and bitter or humble ourselves, admitting that we need help. It is so hard for me to receive assistance in ANY form or to allow people to carry my weight. It's like I just can't open myself up to acknowledge that it's ok to be having a weak moment, and I know a lot of people like that. I also know that it can callus you to your core and leave you prideful. And pride is a whole different story, we will talk about that one day too. Sometimes the healing you truly need comes when you give someone else the reins to your life, releasing everything you're holding onto -- even those things so buried in your soul you're white knuckling to keep from losing your grip. You live in fear that someone will see your flaws and think you don't have it all together but the truth is, what you fear the most is exactly what you need.
I've missed out on so much and pushed so many people away carrying the stigma that I don't need anybody. It's scary to need people!! It basically forces you to lay your life right in the palm of their hands and they have full control at that particular moment. I'm serious, the fear is almost crippling to me. But you have to trust that allowing people to carry you sometimes is necessary. And really, when I began letting my walls down and letting people into my world, in my time of weakness, I learned that it's actually just as healing for our friends and family to be there as it is for us. True story! The fact is ... EVERYBODY needs to be carried sometimes. It doesn't make you any less of a person, it makes you human!! Be brave and transparent and you will be climbing that mountain again before you know it.
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