Let me start off by saying I'm not a relationship counselor and far from an expert on the subject, obviously. I am, however, a woman who has kissed a few frogs in my years. I've had some good dates and some really bad ones. I've had some sweethearts and some real players. It makes me scared for my daughter to grow up! I think I speak for a large number of women with this one. These are derived from my own experiences and based on my opinion that could be helpful to draw from: 1. We want to be courted. REALLY courted. Yes, we want good ol' old fashion courting! You don't have to bring us flowers (we won't mind if you do though), but at least plan the date, from start to finish. We don't have to go to the fanciest places, we just want to laugh and have fun, and we don't want to stress or think about the planning part. Eventually we would like you to ask "what do you want to do", but at the beginning, show us what ya got! 2. For the love of all things holy, respect us: Some men don't even understand what respect is, nor do they want to take the time to earn it. I know some will disagree, but I have found that unless you truly believe that your lady has some great qualities, and I mean the kind of great qualities that could possibly make her better than you, in some aspects, you will most likely never fully respect her. When we set a boundary, there is a reason for it. We have either been hurt by someone in that area or we are morally committed to it. No matter what boundary we set, don't stinkin' cross it! There is a level of respect that needs to be portrayed in relationships that I'm afraid is becoming void. It's like this, and it's really simple... If I tell you I just went to the doctor and had to get a shot in my arm, and you walk up to me and punch me in my arm, what does that say to me!!?? First of all it says you're probably immature, then it says you have a blatant disregard for how my arm is feeling and you did exactly what you wanted to in spite of it. I understand that's probably a ridiculous analogy, but something similar happened to me. The fact is, it doesn't matter that you disagree with the boundary someone has set, the only thing that matters is that you respect it. Don't be a boundary crosser. With respect comes great love.
3. We want to know that we are valued: It's one thing to tell us we are beautiful and hot and sexy... it's a whole different feeling when you really dig into who we are as a person and to see our TRUE inner beauty. We are moved when you are able to see what our goals are and what makes us different from the others. We want to know you're proud of us for our accomplishments, not jealous of them. Contrary to popular belief, we are more than good "sammich" makers, good looks and booty. Tell us we are unique, smart and kind and maybe even give us examples as to why you feel that way. Don't just tell us how you feel when you're with us saying things like, "you make me laugh", "you make me feel good", those are still things about you! Try these, "you are insightful", "I like to hear your opinions", "I like that you are bold", "your confidence is attractive". You will seriously make our day and there is no end to the love you'll receive. 4. Believe it or not, we're capable: It's in a man's DNA to FIX and solve problems. Sometimes we don't want you to fix it! We really don't. We just want you to get on our level long enough to help us feel understood. We know you want to solve the world's problems, we just don't necessarily need you to solve all of ours. 5. We love affection: I know there are a lot of men and women out there who cringe at the idea of PDA. I get it! I can't stand to see people locking up and making out in public. We've all been there, standing in public and the dreaded young couple (or old) starts having a make out session right in front of God and everybody... the kind that makes you yell "get a room". Rest assured though, you don't have to make out in public to show her that you're proud to be with her. A small kiss on the forehead, cheek, lips, is enough. Or even something as simple as your hand on the small of her back as you walk into a crowded room. It's the small gestures that make us feel wanted - in private and in public - and when you get it right, I promise you, you will have us wanting to leave the party before we even get there. :)
6. Be a gentleman: Seriously, know your manly gestures and use them! When you're in a restaurant with your girl, sit on the side facing the crowd so that you can be on guard if something was to happen. It's really not a far cry from the truth for some crazed gunman to come in and shoot the place up! Always be ready to protect. When you are walking down the sidewalk, fella's, walk on the OUTSIDE with your precious lady on the inside. You need to let her know that you will do anything to protect her. If you're out and her feet start hurting, carry her :) She craves that closeness anyway... so you'll be multi-tasking :) 7. Communicate: It's really unfortunate the way dating works now a days. There are so many rules to follow. I personally don't play by any rules but I know they're out there. I'm not sure what happened to just being real and straight forward. It's like it died with chivalry... ok, chivalry didn't die, but it almost did. If we go on a date and you have fun, tell us so. If you didn't have fun, tell us that too. If you're feeling me or not, I want to know and I will show you the same respect! It doesn't mean we are going to elope and get married tomorrow... you don't need to rush to put me on your bank account or anything crazy, but I do want to know what's going on in your head. There's really no need in playing these immature cat and mouse games. You don't have to be rude or mean, just be honest. Honesty really goes a long way and is a huge deal breaker for me. 8. We want to feel safe: We really just want to feel safe. And by safe, I mean we want to feel secure that you are putting our feelings at the top of your priority list. It's becoming so uncommon for men to be empathetic and compassionate. I know, I know, "don't put all men in that category", I can almost hear a unanimous voice rising up from the choir lol. It's really about trust. When we try to open up to you emotionally and sexually and you immediately begin criticizing what we are saying, or trying to fix it, we start to go back in our shell. We want to feel empowered by our men, not defeated. Help us to feel understood and it will motivate us on so many levels.
9. We want adventure: Keep things fun. If you always stay at home and chill and Netflix, that's cool, I get it! And to be clear, I don't mean "Netflix and chill"...! I do love being in my sweats and hanging out on the couch, but I would LOVE for my man to plan a trip for us and by plan I mean, don't ask me a single question about it. Take the reins and make it happen. I think I speak for the majority of women in saying that is a huge turn on. 10. We want the fairy tale: Yes, I'm sorry, but we do want THE fairy tale. The same one that's on the movie, "Pretty Woman". The fairy tale that every little girl has wanted since she was old enough to play Barbie's. Now listen, don't go thinking we can't be pleased, I hear that often... we can be pleased! We don't have to have it, we are perfectly fine with the normal standards of a relationship, however, there are times when we are wishing you'd go just a little bit out of your way to prove your love. Everyone has this idea that it only takes place in the movies, but I beg to differ. I understand some things are a bit out of reach so let's not get irrational, but in the grand scheme of things, we all just want someone that will go out of their way to let us know we're a priority and important. There is no secret to success in life or in relationships, we all know that. It's honestly about learning what makes the other person tick. God built us to be completely different creatures for a purpose. Sometimes I don't know what that purpose is, lol... but I will know one day. The truth is, we all want to be loved. We all want to be wanted and needed and it's truly just a matter of finding someone that turns your good qualities into great ones. Find someone who compliments your uniqueness and who makes you laugh and love life! You should never have to remake yourself in order to stay in a relationship. Search for and keep a balance that allows you both to openly discuss issues that arise and that creates a safe place to ask questions, so that both parties know where they stand 100% of the time. Live life to the fullest and be happy! :)
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