"Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness
there is in our lives." ~ C.S. Lewis
Think about that... affection is responsible for nine-tenths of durable happiness there is in our lives!! That just seems powerful to me.
I've been learning some new things about myself over the last few months regarding affection, or lack thereof. After going through a really bad break up, I've found myself at times feeling somewhat deprived, or empty, if you will. It's tough to go through the transition of knowing someone is there to love you, care for you, hug you, kiss you, pat you on the back, pet you when you're sick... and suddenly... they're gone!
You don't have the good morning text, the "how's your day" calls, the consistency of seeing them at the end of the day...
I've never in all my life considered myself to like affection. I like to care for others. I like to lift others up, hug, touch and pet others, but I've generally never cared whether I got those things in return. Those of you who have read or studied "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman will understand this and if you haven't, you definitely should, because it really does play a huge part in knowing how to care for others.
My love languages have always been acts of service (doing little things for me without having to ask); words of affirmation (you look nice today, you're smart, you're funny, a random note saying 'thinking of you') and gifts (not just big monetary items, something as simple as grabbing my fave candy just because you know I like it) -- THAT'S how love languages work and they can have a positive impact on your daily relationships. BUT, affection and/or physical touch have been at the bottom of the list for as long as I can remember.
Until now...
Suddenly I find myself not only missing the small, seemingly insignificant signs of human warmth, but I have noticed, at times, a slight decrease in energy when I've been by myself for too long.
To those of you who think affection equals sex, that's not what I'm talking about... at all! I'm talking about the feeling that closeness brings; skin on skin - as in, holding hands, touching an arm, giving a smooch, comfort in knowing you have somebody there and just feeling wanted in general.
It is actually a fact that people who feel deprived of affection are less happy, more likely to experience depression, anxiety disorders, stress and have overall health issues, they're less productive and in one report I read, it has even been linked to extra belly fat.
As far as my own opinion goes, I think this is a big reason why people cheat on their significant other. I think it's THAT strong to those who need it. And trust me, I've been cheated on and it hurts and I never understood why... but I have to admit, I see now!
I also found, in my research, that people who do get plenty of affection have healthier relationships, they're happier, have lower blood pressure, have better mental health, more energy, better concentration and are more successful.
So... if adults have these kinds of issues for lack of affection and love, can you even imagine how a kid must feel who is neglected? A sweet baby that wants to hug their mom but maybe they're in the 'system' and can't. Makes me sad.
It just makes me wonder if the majority of kids who act out and cause problems, bullies and such, if they're just affection deprived. I know this isn't the cause for some cases and I am by no means discrediting those individual circumstances... I'm just saying, it's strong!
So maybe, the next time your "person" tells you they want more from you, it's not necessarily that you're not enough... it's just that, like a doughnut, we need different filler lol. Ok, that analogy might have been overboard, but I like doughnuts... but for real! You might think you're doing this amazing job at showing love to someone, spending tons of money on someone when really, all they want is a tight hug. If it's not what THEY DESIRE, if it's not what fills the hole in their love tank, it's pointless! That's just the truth.
I'm not saying to neglect yourself, but pay attention to other peoples needs, wants and desires and it could change everything about your relationships. And be sweet to the kiddo's in the world! If anybody needs extra love, it's them... they are the future and the more we build them up, the better the world will be!
Much love :)