"Everyone has baggage, find those people who will love you
enough to help you unpack it."
Here's the thing about baggage that confuses me... when it comes to relationships, nobody wants it, but when you're going on a trip, your BAGGAGE is like, your number one priority. Without it, you're incomplete.
The fact is, we all have stuff!!!!! We've all made mistakes, we got baby momma's, baby daddy's, ex's, we have fragments of paranoia, trust issues, insecurities, bitterness... you name it, somebody out there has it. But when do we stop judging someone's life, when those details are truly what makes us who we are!!?
Let's be real, it's easy to take off your clothes and get fresh with someone! It's easy to pretend to be a baller and/or a ladies man long enough to get somebody in the sack, only to later dismiss them like a milked cow, but opening your soul, sharing your fears and allowing someone to see the REAL you, that's the hard part.
Now a days, we live in a superficial world, with superficial goals, superficial friends, and superficial ideas of what "normal" is. There’s a facade that the grass is greener on the other side because that's what social media creates for us... if your girl isn't stroking your ego enough, there is another chick out there to do it! If your man isn't giving you the attention you want, there's another horn ball at arms reach, all you gotta do is grab for it!
But as the old saying goes, "the grass isn't greener on the other side, it's greener where there's more crap". "It's greener where it's watered"; OR my fave, "it's greener where it's FAKE".
I don't do fake! What you see is what you get... sadly though, real scares more people these days than fake does.
So, based off of MY experiences, here are some ways you can help a person unpack:
1. Be up front about expectations immediately. If you're looking for a husband and he's only looking for a booty call, clearly they ain't gonna work for long. #byefelicia
2. Talk about your past relationships/experiences. You don't have to explain in great detail, sometimes giving too much detail is the worst thing you could do! But come on, it's better to know what you're dealing with than to be surprised after you're already in love.
3. Tell the person you're interested in your trouble spots/where you're hurt - only IF you still like them after steps 1 & 2 are laid out. If you know it bothers you to text someone and not get a response for 4 hours, tell them! If you were cheated on and it makes you feel nervous for them to have friends of the opposite sex, TELL them! It doesn't mean they're going to change it all for you but it will at least let them know your weak spots. If they don't care enough about the situation to help u through those things, they're not the one for u anyway!!
4. LISTEN the first 6 times. They're telling you for a reason and it's not just to make convo!
5. Be compassionate! I don't know why people have become so hardhearted. Actually, yes I do... people are hurt and hurt people, hurt people! Don't be that person.
6. Stop over thinking. I can tell you now, this is a flaw of mine. I don't think I've slept in my bed passed 3:30am in 7 months, and some before that. I know that there are times when that could have been prevented, had someone just said "it's going to be okay". Sometimes all it takes is a little bit of reassurance. This doesn't mean constantly... a little bit goes a long way when used at the proper time! By proper time, I mean when THEY need it; not when YOU THINK THEY NEED IT!
7. Communicate. Create a safe place for open dialogue so that you're not holding things in that need to be spoken. Yes, it's uncomfortable, but when is growth ever comfortable!?
We all have crap in the bucket. We all have insecurities. We all have these stupid flaws that define us, yet we are still judging others like we are the shining example of perfection! We judge ourselves on our intentions while judging others on their behavior and that's just wrong.
Stop magnifying every little thing someone else does just because YOU would do it differently! It's okay to be different. It's GREAT to be different, actually.
Learn to appreciate people for who and what they are and LOVE without conditions.
Remember this... we all have our own surf boards, riding the same dang waves! You don't see surfers running from waves, they appreciate the big ones and they ride them with joy. It's all about how you react. Don't be shallow, just ride it out.
Love y'all!!! I really do!! :)