I think there comes a time in everyone’s life when you question someone’s ability to be trusted. Whether it’s due to past experiences that taught you to be leery or because you’ve allowed those snakes in your head to get you perplexed and twisted. Either way, when you show someone you have a lack of trust, it makes for a tough conversation!
Usually the first sentence stated after being questioned is, “I’m not everyone else, you can trust me”! And yes, that’s true! People shouldn’t get blamed or punished for another persons bad behavior --- BUT, here’s what I think about that little convo… I thinkkk, I know YOU'RE not everyone else, and I know you’re not the one that hurt me! But I also know I’M STILL ME!!!! I’m still the one who has been infected with this invisible emotional disease called distrust. I’m the one who was tossed around in raging winds of lies and deceit. I’m the one who loved a man who didn’t know how to love me back and have dealt with a lot of other horrible things, that I won't speak on right now. So while I know you’re not everyone else, that doesn’t take away or replace the anguish that floods a damaged heart!
When you’ve been let down and used by someone, you get really good at hiding emotions, building fences and ignoring symptoms of distress. You knowingly and sometimes unknowingly acquire a resistance to anything that requires you to be “vulnerable” and while you actually WANT to love and be loved back, you can’t seem to get passed the fact that giving someone the power to love you, also gives them the power to destroy you, so you withdraw, withhold and in some cases, you RUN
Let’s be real…. love is giving someone the power to hurt you in every way possible, but trusting that they won’t. Sooo, to love means to trust!
But how do you even do that without having 47 panic attacks in the process!? It all pretty much depends on the mate you choose. You can find someone who thinks your issues are stupid, who wants you to flip the trust switch, leading you only to fake emotions in front of their face and then go home and weep behind closed doors, or you can find someone who walks you through the process and willingly removes the wall one brick at a time - which is hard to do these days, if I'm being real.
The thing is, it takes a certain kind of man to love a woman back to life. One who isn’t afraid of the unknowns or the storms that loom in the distance, waiting to drop out of the thin air! Because, trust me, there will be storms that come out of nowhere! There will be fears and fights and moments you’ll think she’s crazy!
There will be questions you don’t really want to answer and at times, you’ll feel you shouldn’t HAVE TO, but at the end of the day it’s your willingness to hear and UNDERSTAND her that will eventually lead the way! And it definitely takes a certain type of woman to nurture a man back to health because for some reason, we usually see their lack of trust as controlling and will have them sitting on the curb :)
When someone has been starved of simple things in a relationship like peace, tenderness, respect and loyalty, they don’t know how to handle those things when they show up. They desire those things more than anything but it’s unfamiliar territory. And unfamiliar territory is scary as hell!
When someone has had to fight to be heard, they usually lose their sensibility and end up saying way too much, all at the wrong time and they'll probably say it too loud :), I wouldn’t know about that though; I never say too much and when I do, I say it so quiet and nice and sweet (ha!!!!!).
So, to all my NON-trusting homie’s out there, myself included, it’s ok to be scared of relationships, it’s ok that you don’t know what in the world you’re doing, and it’s ok to admit it!!! Don’t let people make you feel like your feelings don’t matter or that they’re wrong just because you've had a different experience than them. Find a way to communicate your needs, even if it means waiting 10 minutes to gather your thoughts, that’s what I have to do! Otherwise I end up crying out of shear frustration and then I get even madder because I’m crying!
Don't get confused when someone shows what's underneath their skin, just try to understand that there's an unmet expectation somewhere and instead of judging them, maybe y'all should work together to try to find out what's up!
And to all my dudes out there who have said, "she's too complicated" and never call her back....... remember, a woman will always look complicated to a man who isn’t ready to give her what she’s asking for; and vice versa!! Make sure you’re truly ready to help someone find their ‘breathe easy normal’ or you’ll probably end up helping them find the door! Straight up :)
Thanks for reading!!!