For the last couple of years when flipping through all the social media 'advice/emotional videos', I've heard the phrase, "that doesn't make me feel safe". I always thought it sounded like just an excuse for people to be soft lil brats, or have the victim mindset simply because they didn't want to deal with anything! After all we are living in very different times!!
But then I caught myself saying it and wishing I could find it!!!
After doing my own research and (clearing throat) going to therapy, I have learned that there is actually such thing as safety in relationships!! Not just physical safety but emotional and mental safety.
There’s something understated yet profound about being in a relationship where you feel emotionally safe. It doesn’t shout or demand attention, because it doesn't need to. It doesn’t look like grand gestures or whirlwind romances, because it's more subtle than that. It feels like a quiet exhale after a long day with someone who truly sees you for who and what you are. Someone who you trust to protect every part of you and make you feel cherished.
In the beginning, many of us don’t realize how much emotional safety matters. We chase sparks, chemistry, and thrills!! We want the butterflies, and don't get me wrong, all of those things are important and exciting, but they often overshadow what builds lasting connections: trust, respect, and a space where you feel comfortable just being.
It’s in the little things that bring out emotional safety. The times that you tell your person what has happened to you before and what makes you "triggered" and they actually listen and do what they can to keep you safe from those things ever happening again!! It's in the ways you can share your thoughts without fear of being judged or dismissed. It's when you don't have to walk on eggshells or overthink how you word something in fear that something might come out wrong!
It's being fully accepted... flaws and all!! I am NOT talking about patterns that keep you doing something over and over that someone has clearly told you HURTS them!! I am talking about real flaws or ways of thinking that are actively being worked on. It's about having someone that don't see your vulnerabilities as a weakness or a burden but instead, they honor and protect you in the midst of them.
When you’re with someone who makes you feel safe, you start to notice changes in yourself... your nervous system calms down; you feel calmer, less anxious, and more grounded. You stop second-guessing every text or overanalyzing every interaction. You feel freer to express your quirks, your dreams, and even the messy, complicated parts of you. Cause let’s face it, we can all be a little complicated sometimes!!
And maybe for the first time, you realize that love doesn’t have to feel like chaos or uncertainty. It can be steady, secure, and still deeply fulfilling!!
Here’s the thing: emotional safety isn’t just about finding the right person. It’s also about becoming the right person and the effort you both put into creating and maintaining it. That means:
• Communicating openly: Share your feelings, EVEN the hard ones!
• Validating each other: You don’t have to agree on everything, but you can acknowledge how the other feels.
• Setting boundaries: Respecting limits shows care and builds trust.
• Apologizing sincerely: Owning up to mistakes strengthens the bond
The Payoff Is Worth It!!
When you have emotional safety, the relationship becomes a place of refuge. It doesn’t mean life is perfect or that you’ll never argue, but it does mean you’ll have a solid and SAFE foundation to weather the storms together.
And that’s the beauty of it. Emotional safety might not always be loud or obvious, but it’s the quiet magic that makes love totally transform your world!! And it's so worth it!!
❤CD
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