The pain of missing someone is one of life’s great challenges. It’s the evidence of the connections we form and the love we hold for others. And while it’s a difficult path to walk, it’s also a profound reminder of what it means to be human—to love deeply, to grieve fully, and to carry those we’ve lost with us, always!
Whether from a death or breakup the pain can manifest in different ways. For some, it’s a dull, constant ache; for others, it comes in waves, triggered by a song, a scent, or a memory. It can make you feel isolated at times, as though you’re the only one carrying this burden. Yet, missing someone is a universal experience that connects us all in our shared humanity.
There’s no quick fix and no easy solution to make it go away, but we all have our own ways of trying to numb the pain. Some choose to jump in and out of meaningless relationships, or maybe even go back to the dead end they came from because they're too afraid to step outside of their comfort zone. While others choose to recklessly shop, getting into more debt. Or maybe you're like me and choose to isolate from everyONE and everyTHING. No matter how you cope with the pain, it is still necessary to give the space needed to FEEL, deal and heal!!
You can try to hide from it, but it WILL FOLLOW YOU EVERYWHERE YOU GO!!!
When my daughter was younger, and even now I tell her, “cry, get upset, say all the things you need to say, scream all night if you have to, but in the morning you wake up and brush your shoulders off and you remember who you are and keep going like the strong person you are”. That’s how I lived for years. Right, wrong or indifferent I still do, mostly. But part of me wonders if that was the wrong advice! Maybe just one night isn’t long enough to feel the pain before you get up and put all your “emotional armor” back on, pretending that everything is ok!!
All I know is, if I’ve learned anything at all in this life, it is that you MUST feel the pain for as long as it takes and then you must keep living in spite of it. Living in spite of it doesn’t mean you’re free from the pain, it just means you can’t let it dictate your path. The absolute worst thing you can possibly do during this stage is to pick up a bottle of booze or pills! Been there, done that!! That not only prolongs it, but it reeks havoc in the process!! Allow yourself to feel, to mourn the absence and to cry as long as you need to. This is a crucial part of the healing process.
Moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting. It doesn’t mean the pain will magically disappear or that you won’t have moments of intense longing. It means learning to live with the absence... to carry it with you as part of your journey. It means finding ways to honor the person you miss, whether through rituals (and by rituals I mean little things that remind you of the person - coffee, cooking certain things, going to a particular place, etc.), memories, or simply keeping their spirit alive in your heart.
The void can feel pretty heavy at times, a constant reminder of what was and maybe even what you wish still was. Some days you can look at pics and smile and other times the thought of it feels unbearable, like a dagger through the heart. It’s a strange kind of companionship, the pain, because in a way, it validates the bond you shared with that person. If you think about it, it’s a part of love’s legacy—a testament to the enduring connection that even time and distance cannot erase.
So even when it feels agonizing, just remember the depth of your pain is also a reflection of the depth of your love - smile knowing it exists and keep on loving them from a distance in spite of it!!
❤ love y'all - CD
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